“Aloneness does not need a desert, or a broad ocean, or a quiet moun-tain; human beings have the ability to feel the rawest most intimate forms of aloneness whilst living closely with others or beset by the busyness of the world: they can feel alone around a meeting table, in the happiest, most committed marriage, or aboard a crowded ship with a full compliment of crew.” @David Whyte
We enter the world alone, we leave alone - Loneliness is, throughout life, a social condition we cannot avoid - we all feel lonely at some point in our lives; even as a teacher in a high school, even as part of a doting relationship - it is experienced by all, Thich Nhat Hanh refers to it as a vacuum within us all, we are constantly trying to “fill it up or make it go away”.
I turn to books to find myself, to sit down and recentre. Alain de Botton states that books “make us feel less strange, less isolated and less alone.” Books help us understand ourselves, and when writing, we are permitted to explain ourselves to others - by reading and by writing we allow ourselves to share in a safe environment without the fear of rejection or ridicule. Books are always there, they make me feel normal, especially within times of need, I have a friend there when I need one, a friend that truly understands what is going on a perfect cure for loneliness.
Perhaps books themselves achieve Vonnegut's vision for the young, in that they "create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured." I agree. And more than that, it is escapism. And it’s not just for kids, it’s for us all - especially for those not having a very good time of life. We are able to read and escape, observing as another face problems they are familiar with, accompany them on their journey, and learn from their experiences.
I will forever be grateful for the literary world, my soul friends through life - no matter where I end up, they will always be there, awaiting my return.
How do you deal with the discomfort of being alone?
I have to say that being alone is not a discomfort to me, quite the contrary :) I very much enjoy being by myself, being in my own head without anyone else clamoring for my attention. It is my haven to let my thoughts go anywhere they please and afterwards to maybe write them down, play with them or toss them out. To me there is a big difference though between being alone by choice or feeling lonely because you have no one in your life to see and feel who you really are. I believe that to be a void not even the most beloved book is able to fill.
I like being alone, it's the part of me that contemplates, thinks about writing, and it affords a space to daydream. Being alone allows ideas and thoughts to bubble to the surface and they're invaluable.